Tomorrow is a big day for me. A new season begins.
Actually, I don't like the term "season". Seasons come and seasons go, but they always come back again. Kind of like a do-over. I like do-overs. That's why I like the New Year and even the first day of a new month. It's like a do-over.
There are no do-overs in the "seasons" of life though.
As a teen in the 80s, I totally bought into the whole women's lib thing. Be your own woman! You don't need to depend on a man! Make lots of money! That's how you are successful in this world! Hook. Line. Sinker. So when my husband and I were planning to get married and buy a house, I told him to figure my salary into the mortgage payment. I wanted a big house. And I got one.
Then I got pregnant with my first child. Everything changed in a literal instant. All of a sudden working long hours for lots of money wasn't that enticing. I wanted to be home with my baby. And that surprised me. But it was too late. I made my bed and we needed my salary and that was that.
So I spent the next 10 years trying to figure out how to make it work. Part-time. Teaching. I kept trying to find that balance everybody kept talking about. Elusive thing, balance.
Then, through a series of miracles I can only attribute to God, He gave me the desire of my heart! And for the last seven years, I've been home to care for my family.
The women's movement of the 60s, 70s and 80s would tell you that stay at home moms are sacrificing their own lives and ambitions for the sake of serving the family. And I guess in a way that's true. I did serve my family. I took my preschooler to the park, brought my older kids to school, cooked, cleaned and all that other stuff. But this is what I had longed for those 10 years and I didn't really see it as a sacrifice. Money was tight, especially in the beginning, but God blessed us financially for that decision. It was definitely a leap of faith. And I'm grateful for it all, because it strengthened my faith.
And in addition to serving my family, God allowed special blessings just for me. I strengthened friendships and made new ones. I had time for long conversations with my extended family. I ran three half marathons and two full marathons. I had precious bible studies with Sisters in Christ. It was a good season and God blessed me personally as well. And that's part of what makes the end of this season hard.
But tomorrow is the first day of a new season. Again, by a series of events that I can only attribute to God, I will restart my teaching career. And again, He has blessed it by giving me the desire of my heart. I will be at the same high school that my oldest two will be attending, 2 miles from my home and 1 mile from my youngest's elementary school.
And it makes me think back on this last season. Do I have regrets? Some. Do I regret my choice to enter that season of staying home. Not a bit. Is this new season God's will? I believe it is. And my experience tells me God will bless it and use it to strengthen my faith as He did before. I know that because it requires faith just to enter it. Faith at times I feel I don't have.
But that's ok. Because where I am lacking, He is sufficient. Power is perfected in weakness. And just maybe I'll see a power in my life that I would never have known otherwise. For this I am thankful.
And so tomorrow, I will walk into this new season. And I will do it by faith.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Saturday, February 5, 2011
So Different...and yet....
I just finished reading my sister's blog posts from the last few months. Her husband just returned from a 6 month deployment. She's had lots of time in those months to reflect and learn and grow. Suffering does that to a person. It's one of the reasons Paul tells us to rejoice in our suffering. If we let Him, God will do something great in us through it. She knows that. That's why her verse from the past months has been Isaiah 43:2. It's one of God's exceedingly great and precious promises (1 Pet 1:4).
As I read, I realized, God could not have made two more different human beings who came from the same womb. Same genetic material, same upbringing, same family, same circumstances...we even went to the same college!
She was the homecoming queen. I was on the debate team. She had the tender heart for animals. I like animals. Really. She studied elementary education. Me - aerospace engineering. She always knew she wanted to be a Mom. I was going to be an astronaut. In her home, with four kids, everything has a place and most of the time everything is in its place. In mine, well, not so much.
I've always wanted to be more like her, in different ways, at different times in my life. As I sat this morning reading her blog and thinking about these things, I tried to console myself with the fact that God doesn't create us all the same. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized, we are very much the same.
We share a deep faith and love for God, a desire to grow more and more into the wife, mom, and friend that He has called us to be. As iron sharpens iron, so we have helped one another. We share a love of running, a love of family, country and pizza burgers!
I just wish we could share the love of cleaning and organizing :). But then, I think reading her posts this morning has "sharpened" me as well. I'm feeling an overwhelming need to go clean out an ice chest for a volleyball tournament later today. Of course, hers would already be clean and packed away somewhere. But, you gotta start somewhere.
Maybe I'll even pack away that soccer gear piled in the corner of my bedroom from the last soccer practice I held as Elizabeth's coach. A year ago.
As I read, I realized, God could not have made two more different human beings who came from the same womb. Same genetic material, same upbringing, same family, same circumstances...we even went to the same college!
She was the homecoming queen. I was on the debate team. She had the tender heart for animals. I like animals. Really. She studied elementary education. Me - aerospace engineering. She always knew she wanted to be a Mom. I was going to be an astronaut. In her home, with four kids, everything has a place and most of the time everything is in its place. In mine, well, not so much.
I've always wanted to be more like her, in different ways, at different times in my life. As I sat this morning reading her blog and thinking about these things, I tried to console myself with the fact that God doesn't create us all the same. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized, we are very much the same.
We share a deep faith and love for God, a desire to grow more and more into the wife, mom, and friend that He has called us to be. As iron sharpens iron, so we have helped one another. We share a love of running, a love of family, country and pizza burgers!
I just wish we could share the love of cleaning and organizing :). But then, I think reading her posts this morning has "sharpened" me as well. I'm feeling an overwhelming need to go clean out an ice chest for a volleyball tournament later today. Of course, hers would already be clean and packed away somewhere. But, you gotta start somewhere.
Maybe I'll even pack away that soccer gear piled in the corner of my bedroom from the last soccer practice I held as Elizabeth's coach. A year ago.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year!
I knew it was going to happen...after reading The Hole in our Gospel, I knew God was doing something.
I got an email before Christmas asking for help providing meals for the upcoming holidays at the local women's shelter. I thought about it. Then I quit thinking about it. But God is patient, loving and always pursuing. I got back from Christmas and couldn't stop thinking about that email. Then I started reviewing scripture memory verses. The word 'zealous' kept coming up. Ok, God. I said I would, so here goes..."Jim.....can I ask you what you think about something?"
Bless my wonderful husband. He jumped right in. He wanted to make chicken and noodles, an Indiana comfort food our kids love. "For 50 people?!" I said. "Sure, why not," he said. Eight chickens and 14 bags of noodles later, we had chicken and noodles for 50 people.
What a way to spend the first day of the New Year! Our family and a family friend, Miriam, got to serve these wonderful women their first lunch of the New Year! The thing was, of the 51 residents registered, only around 25 people (about 1/2 small children with small stomachs) were there for lunch. What to do with all this food?! God always has a plan....
We tried the local night shelter...no answer. Then Miriam remembered this is our church's night to serve there. She called the man coordinating it to see if he might need some extra food. Turns out, the restaurant that normally provides the food had just called him. They would be unable to provide food because they had not received their deliveries. When he saw how much we had left, he said that would be all they would need to feed all the residents tonight. Isn't God good? :-)
The thing I learned is that we really can change the world. Not us exactly, but God through us. We did not set out to feed two shelters of people today. But God did. It's the little obediences, one by one that He uses. And sometimes, like today, He allows us a glimpse into His work. That is His grace.
Now the challenge is to press forward in obedience, even when we don't get to see the results.
I'm so thankful that I didn't delete that email, that Jim said "I can...", and that Miriam hit the reply button.
I got an email before Christmas asking for help providing meals for the upcoming holidays at the local women's shelter. I thought about it. Then I quit thinking about it. But God is patient, loving and always pursuing. I got back from Christmas and couldn't stop thinking about that email. Then I started reviewing scripture memory verses. The word 'zealous' kept coming up. Ok, God. I said I would, so here goes..."Jim.....can I ask you what you think about something?"
Bless my wonderful husband. He jumped right in. He wanted to make chicken and noodles, an Indiana comfort food our kids love. "For 50 people?!" I said. "Sure, why not," he said. Eight chickens and 14 bags of noodles later, we had chicken and noodles for 50 people.
What a way to spend the first day of the New Year! Our family and a family friend, Miriam, got to serve these wonderful women their first lunch of the New Year! The thing was, of the 51 residents registered, only around 25 people (about 1/2 small children with small stomachs) were there for lunch. What to do with all this food?! God always has a plan....
We tried the local night shelter...no answer. Then Miriam remembered this is our church's night to serve there. She called the man coordinating it to see if he might need some extra food. Turns out, the restaurant that normally provides the food had just called him. They would be unable to provide food because they had not received their deliveries. When he saw how much we had left, he said that would be all they would need to feed all the residents tonight. Isn't God good? :-)
The thing I learned is that we really can change the world. Not us exactly, but God through us. We did not set out to feed two shelters of people today. But God did. It's the little obediences, one by one that He uses. And sometimes, like today, He allows us a glimpse into His work. That is His grace.
Now the challenge is to press forward in obedience, even when we don't get to see the results.
I'm so thankful that I didn't delete that email, that Jim said "I can...", and that Miriam hit the reply button.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Reflections at 13
My oldest baby girl turns 13 today. If there is any time for reflection this has to be it. First of all, I don't consider myself "old enough" to be the mother of a teenager. I actually still have days when I think to myself with disbelief, "I'm the Mom," as though I am still the teenager at home. It really doesn't seem like all that long ago when I was.
13. It's really hard to believe. Some days I look at her and she is still that little girl, full of playfulness and delight. Other days, she looks tall, and mature, and like the teenager she has become overnight.
For years, I dreaded this time, out of fear really. Maybe it was all those older Moms saying, "wait 'til they're teenagers!" always said with dread in their eyes. When I started to see those "moments" in her - you know the ones when they transform right before your eyes into this girl you don't recognize, this person with the rolling eyes and disrespectful tone that you swear is not your daughter - that's when I got on my knees. "Lord, help me."
I want to do this right. Not for me, but for her. I know where I've veered off The Path and the suffering it causes. I don't want that for her. I've learned that obedience to God brings blessing. I want that for her. But wanting it for her doesn't mean that much. She has to want it for herself. I can't do that. Only God can.
And He is good. And faithful. And He wants all that for her too. In my realization that I can't do it and that I need His help, ever true to His Word, He has stepped in over and over again. He has given me precious moments when I've been able to share my heart with her and teach her what I've learned. He's given me glimpses into her heart to know that some of it is sticking.
Turns out I didn't need to be fearful. This really has been a precious time. I wouldn't trade these last 13 years for anything. But mostly I'm just grateful for all God has taught me and that now, I have the opportunity to pass it along to the next generation. By God's grace, they will receive it and own it for themselves.
Then He will bless them "and they will spring up among the grass like poplars by streams of water." Isaiah 44:4
I'm so glad I worship the God of Hope!
13. It's really hard to believe. Some days I look at her and she is still that little girl, full of playfulness and delight. Other days, she looks tall, and mature, and like the teenager she has become overnight.
For years, I dreaded this time, out of fear really. Maybe it was all those older Moms saying, "wait 'til they're teenagers!" always said with dread in their eyes. When I started to see those "moments" in her - you know the ones when they transform right before your eyes into this girl you don't recognize, this person with the rolling eyes and disrespectful tone that you swear is not your daughter - that's when I got on my knees. "Lord, help me."
I want to do this right. Not for me, but for her. I know where I've veered off The Path and the suffering it causes. I don't want that for her. I've learned that obedience to God brings blessing. I want that for her. But wanting it for her doesn't mean that much. She has to want it for herself. I can't do that. Only God can.
And He is good. And faithful. And He wants all that for her too. In my realization that I can't do it and that I need His help, ever true to His Word, He has stepped in over and over again. He has given me precious moments when I've been able to share my heart with her and teach her what I've learned. He's given me glimpses into her heart to know that some of it is sticking.
Turns out I didn't need to be fearful. This really has been a precious time. I wouldn't trade these last 13 years for anything. But mostly I'm just grateful for all God has taught me and that now, I have the opportunity to pass it along to the next generation. By God's grace, they will receive it and own it for themselves.
Then He will bless them "and they will spring up among the grass like poplars by streams of water." Isaiah 44:4
I'm so glad I worship the God of Hope!
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Finish Line
For the last 2 1/2 months I have been training for a marathon. My first. Yesterday I crossed the finish line. From the beginning, my training partner and I determined God would be in this or we weren't going to do it. Even though it was my first experience with a marathon, I know that single decision made all the difference.
Tiffany, my training partner, prayed on that first training run that God would be glorified in what we were doing. I wanted that too, but at the time, I wasn't really sure how that would manifest itself.
In hind sight I see a lot. This whole experience has been a metaphor for the Christian walk through this life. It started with a decision to make God the center of it. In coming to Christ for salvation we start our Christian "training" the same way.
Marathon training seemed so overwhelming in the beginning. 20 miles! I'm going to run 20 miles??!! Well, yes. But not right away. You're going to build up to it. But how? Well, you go to the trusted experts, you hear what they have to say and you just do it, believing that they know more than you do.
The same is true for our walk with the Lord. Only our expert is the Lord Himself and His training guide is His written Holy Word. He knows more than I do about this life. Am I going to trust what He says and do it, believing He knows more than me?
Marathon training requires a lot of discipline. Nutrition, rest and training is vital. You have to keep choosing the good way when what you really want to do is hit the snooze button. Sure I fell off the nutrition wagon a time or two, but I knew that ultimately I needed the right fuel to finish that training run, so I chose it.
In our daily walk we have to choose well too. What do we choose to fill our heads and hearts with? Junk food (gossip magazines, soap operas, R-rated flicks) or real fuel (the Scriptures, worship, and the counsel of godly friends)?
And then there was my training partner, Tiffany. What would I have done without her? She's the one that "led" me to this marathon experience in the first place. And she was beside me every step of the way. We compared menus, hydration habits, and training run fuel ideas. We encouraged one another through injuries, rainy days and the last hard miles of the long training runs. And we prayed for and with one another before during and after each training run. No need to elaborate on the similarities to discipleship with this one. Praise God for the body of Christ!
And then Marathon Day came - the final test of everything that had happened leading up to it. Would we "pass the test" by crossing that finish line? Did we do the work (John 9:4), run the race with endurance (Heb 12:1), fight the good fight (1 Tim 1:18) and win the prize (Phil 3:14)?
We did! But here, like all metaphors with the Christian life, it breaks down somewhat. See, through the experience I learned a lot about myself as it relates to marathon training. There are some things I'll do differently next time. In marathon training, you get a "do over" if you want it. No such thing when you cross that finish line of this life.
So I "press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:14)
Tiffany, my training partner, prayed on that first training run that God would be glorified in what we were doing. I wanted that too, but at the time, I wasn't really sure how that would manifest itself.
In hind sight I see a lot. This whole experience has been a metaphor for the Christian walk through this life. It started with a decision to make God the center of it. In coming to Christ for salvation we start our Christian "training" the same way.
Marathon training seemed so overwhelming in the beginning. 20 miles! I'm going to run 20 miles??!! Well, yes. But not right away. You're going to build up to it. But how? Well, you go to the trusted experts, you hear what they have to say and you just do it, believing that they know more than you do.
The same is true for our walk with the Lord. Only our expert is the Lord Himself and His training guide is His written Holy Word. He knows more than I do about this life. Am I going to trust what He says and do it, believing He knows more than me?
Marathon training requires a lot of discipline. Nutrition, rest and training is vital. You have to keep choosing the good way when what you really want to do is hit the snooze button. Sure I fell off the nutrition wagon a time or two, but I knew that ultimately I needed the right fuel to finish that training run, so I chose it.
In our daily walk we have to choose well too. What do we choose to fill our heads and hearts with? Junk food (gossip magazines, soap operas, R-rated flicks) or real fuel (the Scriptures, worship, and the counsel of godly friends)?
And then there was my training partner, Tiffany. What would I have done without her? She's the one that "led" me to this marathon experience in the first place. And she was beside me every step of the way. We compared menus, hydration habits, and training run fuel ideas. We encouraged one another through injuries, rainy days and the last hard miles of the long training runs. And we prayed for and with one another before during and after each training run. No need to elaborate on the similarities to discipleship with this one. Praise God for the body of Christ!
And then Marathon Day came - the final test of everything that had happened leading up to it. Would we "pass the test" by crossing that finish line? Did we do the work (John 9:4), run the race with endurance (Heb 12:1), fight the good fight (1 Tim 1:18) and win the prize (Phil 3:14)?
We did! But here, like all metaphors with the Christian life, it breaks down somewhat. See, through the experience I learned a lot about myself as it relates to marathon training. There are some things I'll do differently next time. In marathon training, you get a "do over" if you want it. No such thing when you cross that finish line of this life.
So I "press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:14)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I Hate...
OK, I'm just going to come out and say it. I hate Halloween. And part of it, I'll admit, is laziness. When you have to come up with three costumes year after year, it can become exhausting, not to mention expensive. And I'm not the crafty type, ok. I wish I were, but God just did not gift me in this area. And most of the time I'm ok with that, except at times like this - Halloween.
But, really, the deeper part of me questions why we find scariness entertaining. I guess it's the adrenaline rush. When the panic subsides, you're left with a kind of euphoria, right? What is it, though? 'I'm so glad IT didn't get me!?'
For 11 months out of every year we shake our heads at those who commit heinous crimes against others. We carefully monitor the television when the news is on to make sure our little ones don't see the evil that really is out there. We mourn for those lost to violent crime and we demand justice of the offenders.
Then October comes. And all of a sudden murder, grusomeness, witchcraft and mayhem are fun! It's all harmless fun! Really? I guess for me it all comes down to that verse my sister set into motion in my life one day, 'whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.' Philippians 4:8 (emphasis added)
Call me a legalist if you want to, but very little about Halloween causes me to 'dwell on these things.' Even the costume parade at my daughters' school causes me to cringe. Right behind the fairy princess walks the kid in the black robe with the skull face carrying a sword (but, oh, you're not suppose to have pretend weapons at school. Well, it is Halloween). Or maybe it's the girl in the combat fatigues complete with bare midrift (ok, technically, there's a t-shirt there because of the dress code, but you get my point).
November just can't get here soon enough.
But, really, the deeper part of me questions why we find scariness entertaining. I guess it's the adrenaline rush. When the panic subsides, you're left with a kind of euphoria, right? What is it, though? 'I'm so glad IT didn't get me!?'
For 11 months out of every year we shake our heads at those who commit heinous crimes against others. We carefully monitor the television when the news is on to make sure our little ones don't see the evil that really is out there. We mourn for those lost to violent crime and we demand justice of the offenders.
Then October comes. And all of a sudden murder, grusomeness, witchcraft and mayhem are fun! It's all harmless fun! Really? I guess for me it all comes down to that verse my sister set into motion in my life one day, 'whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.' Philippians 4:8 (emphasis added)
Call me a legalist if you want to, but very little about Halloween causes me to 'dwell on these things.' Even the costume parade at my daughters' school causes me to cringe. Right behind the fairy princess walks the kid in the black robe with the skull face carrying a sword (but, oh, you're not suppose to have pretend weapons at school. Well, it is Halloween). Or maybe it's the girl in the combat fatigues complete with bare midrift (ok, technically, there's a t-shirt there because of the dress code, but you get my point).
November just can't get here soon enough.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
These Last Days
Ok - so the argument goes - but every generation since Jesus has thought they were in the last days. Maybe so, but didn't Jesus teach us to think that way? To expect His coming? That He would come quickly, in the twinkling of an eye?
Even if this generation is not witnessing THE last days, what would we do differently if we KNEW these were in fact the last days? Would I buy that latte or give the $5 bill to the homeless vet on the corner? Would I sign my Kindergartener up for basketball, or would I go buy $50 worth of food for a food pantry? Would I go buy pointless (and generally unneeded) Christmas gifts for my family both far and wide, or would I fund a pump for clean water in a small village in Africa, and let those relatives know that I did it in their name?
I've heard the exhortations to feed the hungry, clothe the naked and minister to the sick my whole life. Why now are they resonating so deeply, if these are in fact NOT the last days?
Even if this generation is not witnessing THE last days, what would we do differently if we KNEW these were in fact the last days? Would I buy that latte or give the $5 bill to the homeless vet on the corner? Would I sign my Kindergartener up for basketball, or would I go buy $50 worth of food for a food pantry? Would I go buy pointless (and generally unneeded) Christmas gifts for my family both far and wide, or would I fund a pump for clean water in a small village in Africa, and let those relatives know that I did it in their name?
I've heard the exhortations to feed the hungry, clothe the naked and minister to the sick my whole life. Why now are they resonating so deeply, if these are in fact NOT the last days?
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