Reflections at 13

My oldest baby girl turns 13 today. If there is any time for reflection this has to be it. First of all, I don't consider myself "old enough" to be the mother of a teenager. I actually still have days when I think to myself with disbelief, "I'm the Mom," as though I am still the teenager at home. It really doesn't seem like all that long ago when I was.

13. It's really hard to believe. Some days I look at her and she is still that little girl, full of playfulness and delight. Other days, she looks tall, and mature, and like the teenager she has become overnight.

For years, I dreaded this time, out of fear really. Maybe it was all those older Moms saying, "wait 'til they're teenagers!" always said with dread in their eyes. When I started to see those "moments" in her - you know the ones when they transform right before your eyes into this girl you don't recognize, this person with the rolling eyes and disrespectful tone that you swear is not your daughter - that's when I got on my knees. "Lord, help me."

I want to do this right. Not for me, but for her. I know where I've veered off The Path and the suffering it causes. I don't want that for her. I've learned that obedience to God brings blessing. I want that for her. But wanting it for her doesn't mean that much. She has to want it for herself. I can't do that. Only God can.

And He is good. And faithful. And He wants all that for her too. In my realization that I can't do it and that I need His help, ever true to His Word, He has stepped in over and over again. He has given me precious moments when I've been able to share my heart with her and teach her what I've learned. He's given me glimpses into her heart to know that some of it is sticking.

Turns out I didn't need to be fearful. This really has been a precious time. I wouldn't trade these last 13 years for anything. But mostly I'm just grateful for all God has taught me and that now, I have the opportunity to pass it along to the next generation. By God's grace, they will receive it and own it for themselves.

Then He will bless them "and they will spring up among the grass like poplars by streams of water." Isaiah 44:4

I'm so glad I worship the God of Hope!