My oldest baby girl turns 13 today. If there is any time for reflection this has to be it. First of all, I don't consider myself "old enough" to be the mother of a teenager. I actually still have days when I think to myself with disbelief, "I'm the Mom," as though I am still the teenager at home. It really doesn't seem like all that long ago when I was.
13. It's really hard to believe. Some days I look at her and she is still that little girl, full of playfulness and delight. Other days, she looks tall, and mature, and like the teenager she has become overnight.
For years, I dreaded this time, out of fear really. Maybe it was all those older Moms saying, "wait 'til they're teenagers!" always said with dread in their eyes. When I started to see those "moments" in her - you know the ones when they transform right before your eyes into this girl you don't recognize, this person with the rolling eyes and disrespectful tone that you swear is not your daughter - that's when I got on my knees. "Lord, help me."
I want to do this right. Not for me, but for her. I know where I've veered off The Path and the suffering it causes. I don't want that for her. I've learned that obedience to God brings blessing. I want that for her. But wanting it for her doesn't mean that much. She has to want it for herself. I can't do that. Only God can.
And He is good. And faithful. And He wants all that for her too. In my realization that I can't do it and that I need His help, ever true to His Word, He has stepped in over and over again. He has given me precious moments when I've been able to share my heart with her and teach her what I've learned. He's given me glimpses into her heart to know that some of it is sticking.
Turns out I didn't need to be fearful. This really has been a precious time. I wouldn't trade these last 13 years for anything. But mostly I'm just grateful for all God has taught me and that now, I have the opportunity to pass it along to the next generation. By God's grace, they will receive it and own it for themselves.
Then He will bless them "and they will spring up among the grass like poplars by streams of water." Isaiah 44:4
I'm so glad I worship the God of Hope!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Finish Line
For the last 2 1/2 months I have been training for a marathon. My first. Yesterday I crossed the finish line. From the beginning, my training partner and I determined God would be in this or we weren't going to do it. Even though it was my first experience with a marathon, I know that single decision made all the difference.
Tiffany, my training partner, prayed on that first training run that God would be glorified in what we were doing. I wanted that too, but at the time, I wasn't really sure how that would manifest itself.
In hind sight I see a lot. This whole experience has been a metaphor for the Christian walk through this life. It started with a decision to make God the center of it. In coming to Christ for salvation we start our Christian "training" the same way.
Marathon training seemed so overwhelming in the beginning. 20 miles! I'm going to run 20 miles??!! Well, yes. But not right away. You're going to build up to it. But how? Well, you go to the trusted experts, you hear what they have to say and you just do it, believing that they know more than you do.
The same is true for our walk with the Lord. Only our expert is the Lord Himself and His training guide is His written Holy Word. He knows more than I do about this life. Am I going to trust what He says and do it, believing He knows more than me?
Marathon training requires a lot of discipline. Nutrition, rest and training is vital. You have to keep choosing the good way when what you really want to do is hit the snooze button. Sure I fell off the nutrition wagon a time or two, but I knew that ultimately I needed the right fuel to finish that training run, so I chose it.
In our daily walk we have to choose well too. What do we choose to fill our heads and hearts with? Junk food (gossip magazines, soap operas, R-rated flicks) or real fuel (the Scriptures, worship, and the counsel of godly friends)?
And then there was my training partner, Tiffany. What would I have done without her? She's the one that "led" me to this marathon experience in the first place. And she was beside me every step of the way. We compared menus, hydration habits, and training run fuel ideas. We encouraged one another through injuries, rainy days and the last hard miles of the long training runs. And we prayed for and with one another before during and after each training run. No need to elaborate on the similarities to discipleship with this one. Praise God for the body of Christ!
And then Marathon Day came - the final test of everything that had happened leading up to it. Would we "pass the test" by crossing that finish line? Did we do the work (John 9:4), run the race with endurance (Heb 12:1), fight the good fight (1 Tim 1:18) and win the prize (Phil 3:14)?
We did! But here, like all metaphors with the Christian life, it breaks down somewhat. See, through the experience I learned a lot about myself as it relates to marathon training. There are some things I'll do differently next time. In marathon training, you get a "do over" if you want it. No such thing when you cross that finish line of this life.
So I "press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:14)
Tiffany, my training partner, prayed on that first training run that God would be glorified in what we were doing. I wanted that too, but at the time, I wasn't really sure how that would manifest itself.
In hind sight I see a lot. This whole experience has been a metaphor for the Christian walk through this life. It started with a decision to make God the center of it. In coming to Christ for salvation we start our Christian "training" the same way.
Marathon training seemed so overwhelming in the beginning. 20 miles! I'm going to run 20 miles??!! Well, yes. But not right away. You're going to build up to it. But how? Well, you go to the trusted experts, you hear what they have to say and you just do it, believing that they know more than you do.
The same is true for our walk with the Lord. Only our expert is the Lord Himself and His training guide is His written Holy Word. He knows more than I do about this life. Am I going to trust what He says and do it, believing He knows more than me?
Marathon training requires a lot of discipline. Nutrition, rest and training is vital. You have to keep choosing the good way when what you really want to do is hit the snooze button. Sure I fell off the nutrition wagon a time or two, but I knew that ultimately I needed the right fuel to finish that training run, so I chose it.
In our daily walk we have to choose well too. What do we choose to fill our heads and hearts with? Junk food (gossip magazines, soap operas, R-rated flicks) or real fuel (the Scriptures, worship, and the counsel of godly friends)?
And then there was my training partner, Tiffany. What would I have done without her? She's the one that "led" me to this marathon experience in the first place. And she was beside me every step of the way. We compared menus, hydration habits, and training run fuel ideas. We encouraged one another through injuries, rainy days and the last hard miles of the long training runs. And we prayed for and with one another before during and after each training run. No need to elaborate on the similarities to discipleship with this one. Praise God for the body of Christ!
And then Marathon Day came - the final test of everything that had happened leading up to it. Would we "pass the test" by crossing that finish line? Did we do the work (John 9:4), run the race with endurance (Heb 12:1), fight the good fight (1 Tim 1:18) and win the prize (Phil 3:14)?
We did! But here, like all metaphors with the Christian life, it breaks down somewhat. See, through the experience I learned a lot about myself as it relates to marathon training. There are some things I'll do differently next time. In marathon training, you get a "do over" if you want it. No such thing when you cross that finish line of this life.
So I "press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:14)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I Hate...
OK, I'm just going to come out and say it. I hate Halloween. And part of it, I'll admit, is laziness. When you have to come up with three costumes year after year, it can become exhausting, not to mention expensive. And I'm not the crafty type, ok. I wish I were, but God just did not gift me in this area. And most of the time I'm ok with that, except at times like this - Halloween.
But, really, the deeper part of me questions why we find scariness entertaining. I guess it's the adrenaline rush. When the panic subsides, you're left with a kind of euphoria, right? What is it, though? 'I'm so glad IT didn't get me!?'
For 11 months out of every year we shake our heads at those who commit heinous crimes against others. We carefully monitor the television when the news is on to make sure our little ones don't see the evil that really is out there. We mourn for those lost to violent crime and we demand justice of the offenders.
Then October comes. And all of a sudden murder, grusomeness, witchcraft and mayhem are fun! It's all harmless fun! Really? I guess for me it all comes down to that verse my sister set into motion in my life one day, 'whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.' Philippians 4:8 (emphasis added)
Call me a legalist if you want to, but very little about Halloween causes me to 'dwell on these things.' Even the costume parade at my daughters' school causes me to cringe. Right behind the fairy princess walks the kid in the black robe with the skull face carrying a sword (but, oh, you're not suppose to have pretend weapons at school. Well, it is Halloween). Or maybe it's the girl in the combat fatigues complete with bare midrift (ok, technically, there's a t-shirt there because of the dress code, but you get my point).
November just can't get here soon enough.
But, really, the deeper part of me questions why we find scariness entertaining. I guess it's the adrenaline rush. When the panic subsides, you're left with a kind of euphoria, right? What is it, though? 'I'm so glad IT didn't get me!?'
For 11 months out of every year we shake our heads at those who commit heinous crimes against others. We carefully monitor the television when the news is on to make sure our little ones don't see the evil that really is out there. We mourn for those lost to violent crime and we demand justice of the offenders.
Then October comes. And all of a sudden murder, grusomeness, witchcraft and mayhem are fun! It's all harmless fun! Really? I guess for me it all comes down to that verse my sister set into motion in my life one day, 'whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.' Philippians 4:8 (emphasis added)
Call me a legalist if you want to, but very little about Halloween causes me to 'dwell on these things.' Even the costume parade at my daughters' school causes me to cringe. Right behind the fairy princess walks the kid in the black robe with the skull face carrying a sword (but, oh, you're not suppose to have pretend weapons at school. Well, it is Halloween). Or maybe it's the girl in the combat fatigues complete with bare midrift (ok, technically, there's a t-shirt there because of the dress code, but you get my point).
November just can't get here soon enough.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
These Last Days
Ok - so the argument goes - but every generation since Jesus has thought they were in the last days. Maybe so, but didn't Jesus teach us to think that way? To expect His coming? That He would come quickly, in the twinkling of an eye?
Even if this generation is not witnessing THE last days, what would we do differently if we KNEW these were in fact the last days? Would I buy that latte or give the $5 bill to the homeless vet on the corner? Would I sign my Kindergartener up for basketball, or would I go buy $50 worth of food for a food pantry? Would I go buy pointless (and generally unneeded) Christmas gifts for my family both far and wide, or would I fund a pump for clean water in a small village in Africa, and let those relatives know that I did it in their name?
I've heard the exhortations to feed the hungry, clothe the naked and minister to the sick my whole life. Why now are they resonating so deeply, if these are in fact NOT the last days?
Even if this generation is not witnessing THE last days, what would we do differently if we KNEW these were in fact the last days? Would I buy that latte or give the $5 bill to the homeless vet on the corner? Would I sign my Kindergartener up for basketball, or would I go buy $50 worth of food for a food pantry? Would I go buy pointless (and generally unneeded) Christmas gifts for my family both far and wide, or would I fund a pump for clean water in a small village in Africa, and let those relatives know that I did it in their name?
I've heard the exhortations to feed the hungry, clothe the naked and minister to the sick my whole life. Why now are they resonating so deeply, if these are in fact NOT the last days?
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Coaching Mom
I have three precious girls who all love to play sports. We started with soccer at 4 years old for each one and the older two have progressively picked up basketball and volleyball. It's hard to balance three girls and multiple sports. But this is what they love, so this is what we do.
About the time my baby became old enough for soccer, my middle girl became old enough for volleyball. The thought began to enter my head, "Maybe I could coach her..." and the rest is history.
I do believe God's hand was in this. And anyone who knows me from my childhood would tell you that God's grace is the only way I've become involved with sports! I wish I could say that coaching is my ministry, but more and more I'm believing it's God's ministry to me.
It's hard. And challenging. And frustrating. And rewarding. And fun. I'm learning a lot about myself - some things I would rather not know (or let others see). But I take comfort in the fact that God's doing His work in me. And maybe, just maybe, by God's grace, I am offering a little to those He's placed in my care...
About the time my baby became old enough for soccer, my middle girl became old enough for volleyball. The thought began to enter my head, "Maybe I could coach her..." and the rest is history.
I do believe God's hand was in this. And anyone who knows me from my childhood would tell you that God's grace is the only way I've become involved with sports! I wish I could say that coaching is my ministry, but more and more I'm believing it's God's ministry to me.
It's hard. And challenging. And frustrating. And rewarding. And fun. I'm learning a lot about myself - some things I would rather not know (or let others see). But I take comfort in the fact that God's doing His work in me. And maybe, just maybe, by God's grace, I am offering a little to those He's placed in my care...
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