Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a big day for me. A new season begins.

Actually, I don't like the term "season". Seasons come and seasons go, but they always come back again. Kind of like a do-over. I like do-overs. That's why I like the New Year and even the first day of a new month. It's like a do-over.

There are no do-overs in the "seasons" of life though.

As a teen in the 80s, I totally bought into the whole women's lib thing. Be your own woman! You don't need to depend on a man! Make lots of money! That's how you are successful in this world! Hook. Line. Sinker. So when my husband and I were planning to get married and buy a house, I told him to figure my salary into the mortgage payment. I wanted a big house. And I got one.

Then I got pregnant with my first child. Everything changed in a literal instant. All of a sudden working long hours for lots of money wasn't that enticing. I wanted to be home with my baby. And that surprised me. But it was too late. I made my bed and we needed my salary and that was that.

So I spent the next 10 years trying to figure out how to make it work. Part-time. Teaching. I kept trying to find that balance everybody kept talking about. Elusive thing, balance.

Then, through a series of miracles I can only attribute to God, He gave me the desire of my heart! And for the last seven years, I've been home to care for my family.

The women's movement of the 60s, 70s and 80s would tell you that stay at home moms are sacrificing their own lives and ambitions for the sake of serving the family. And I guess in a way that's true. I did serve my family. I took my preschooler to the park, brought my older kids to school, cooked, cleaned and all that other stuff. But this is what I had longed for those 10 years and I didn't really see it as a sacrifice. Money was tight, especially in the beginning, but God blessed us financially for that decision. It was definitely a leap of faith. And I'm grateful for it all, because it strengthened my faith.

And in addition to serving my family, God allowed special blessings just for me. I strengthened friendships and made new ones. I had time for long conversations with my extended family. I ran three half marathons and two full marathons. I had precious bible studies with Sisters in Christ. It was a good season and God blessed me personally as well. And that's part of what makes the end of this season hard.

But tomorrow is the first day of a new season. Again, by a series of events that I can only attribute to God, I will restart my teaching career. And again, He has blessed it by giving me the desire of my heart. I will be at the same high school that my oldest two will be attending, 2 miles from my home and 1 mile from my youngest's elementary school.

And it makes me think back on this last season. Do I have regrets? Some. Do I regret my choice to enter that season of staying home. Not a bit. Is this new season God's will? I believe it is. And my experience tells me God will bless it and use it to strengthen my faith as He did before. I know that because it requires faith just to enter it. Faith at times I feel I don't have.

But that's ok. Because where I am lacking, He is sufficient. Power is perfected in weakness. And just maybe I'll see a power in my life that I would never have known otherwise. For this I am thankful.

And so tomorrow, I will walk into this new season. And I will do it by faith.